To know that 'us' brought you to your lowest points, to know that I was involved, and the reason why... and now, to see you doing well, hearing that you are better, motivated, working hard to reach your goals. I'm torn into two.  Because on one hand, I wish I could be by your side.  In your life.  Supporting you and experiencing everything with you.  But on the other, everything tells me that you are better off without me.  Without us.  That without us, you have been better than you have ever been before.

And it hurts.  Because I love you, and I want all that for you.  I just wish that there was a universe where that could happen along side 'us'.  And maybe there will be.  I don't know.  I'm trying to stay hopeful, but what if it's for nothing. What if I just need to accept you're better off without me.  That all I did was hurt you.  Bring you down.  To know that I brought you to your lowest points.... I was worse than everyone in your past, when all I wanted to do was show you that you deserved to be treated right and to be happy.

I miss everything about you and as cliche as it sounds, my heart hurts.  Literally.  And I feel like I'm slowly dieing inside.  That everything we once had is fading away, and that you have moved on so easily and I'm just stuck here, in the past, reminiscing, so oblivious to the fact that I need to get on with life with us.  But I can't.  I can't just simply move on.  It wasn't like that to me.  I had in my mind that it was you, till the day I die.  And I was so afraid of dieing.  Partly because I was scared, but partly because I knew that I would no longer get to be with you.  But now, I just sit here, waiting to be taken away.  Because life without you is not life at all.

I love you.