I miss you.  I don't know how things got this way.  So quickly.  Well, maybe so quickly to me.  Maybe it was just me being naive, not thinking things were as bad as they are.  Remember when we were happy?  How we could look into each others eyes and just see joy.  Trust.  Safety.  Love.  I miss that.  I hate how you can treat me like a stranger so quickly.  I hate that you can just seemingly go on with your life like nothing is wrong.  That nothing you do is wrong.  That even things I tell you that you do that hurt me you just keep doing.  Like you don't give a fuck.  Like you never did.  Stringing me along the past couple of years on a lie.  Using me when you needed support, then tossing me aside when you let him back into your life.  Everything I thought I did right for you immediate is wrong.  It doesn't count anymore.

I hate knowing that you go on with your life, all normal and I'm just fucking going around pretending I'm okay.  Smiling.  But in the moments when I'm by myself.  Overwhelming sadness.  I hate how you were never there for me.  For everything I went through.  From small things like stressing over a job to bigger things like not being happy.  Thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore.  Troubles differentiating dreams from reality.  I really thought you would have cared about all of that.  But I had no one to open up to.  No one to lean on, to comfort me.  To offer me support.  Love.  To tell me that it was going to be okay.  All I wanted was a fucking hug.  I just wanted to hear you tell me that you loved me and to look at me the same way you used to.  I miss you so much.

I will always love you.  I promised that I would never leave you and as hard as it may get, I will always stand by that.  But there's nothing to say that you won't leave me.  And if that time comes around, there will be nothing I can do.  Nothing I can say.  Just sit.  In sadness.  Watching you leave.

Baby, from the bottom of my heart, I don't know if you will read this, ever.  But know that I love you.  You made me feel like the luckiest guy in the world.  I want you to be happy.  I want that to be with me, but I don't want to be made to feel that I owe everything to you for being with me.  I want you to be with me because you love me.  Because I'm the one you want to turn to.  Because I'm you're best friend.